I’m sorry, Mom

Nine years of “in the trenches” parenting will cause you to do a lot of reflecting.  Some of my biggest “ah ha” moments are when I realize the sacrifices my mom made for us.  So here it is, I’m sorry mom…

I’m sorry, Mom that the doctor made you wake me up every couple of hours as a preemie.  Sleep deprivation is real. I can’t imagine waking up a baby ON PURPOSE.  Thank you for putting my needs before your own, from day one.

I’m sorry, Mom for all the times I came into your room at night, just to snuggle.  I know that you really didn’t want me waking you up from your well-deserved rest… yet again… but you always welcomed me with open arms.  Thank you for teaching me how to nurture and hug.

I’m sorry, Mom for asking for you to sing “Silent Night” one more time.  I know you just wanted some quiet in that magical time when all three kids were finally in their beds.  Thank you for always obliging. These were my favorite moments of one on one time with you and to this day, we both still get teary-eyed at that song.  No one can take those moments from us.

I’m sorry, Mom for wetting the bed.  Nothing is more annoying. Besides waking you up (man do moms ever get a break with sleep?!), you then had even MORE laundry and had to get my bed back to a dry zone, change my clothes, and go through the motions to get back to sleep.  Thank you for teaching me that accidents happen. And full disclosure-even in elementary school you would wake me up in the middle of the night, voluntarily, to make me go to the bathroom.  Thank you for putting me first again and saving me the embarrassment of being a bedwetter as I grew older. I know I wasn’t always the happiest when you came in at midnight and insisted I go potty, because “I didn’t have to go.”

I’m sorry, Mom for wanting every treat in the checkout aisle. Grocery shopping with kids is tough enough without endless harassment about a special cereal or a kit-kat as a reward for being good (which we usually weren’t). Thank you for teaching me to say no, and to stick to it.

I’m sorry, Mom for taking forever to get ready. I know that parenting a type A personality who even needed her underwear and socks to match her outfit wasn’t easy.  Getting kids ready and out the door is a job in itself, and man is it frustrating. Thank you for showing me patience and letting me be me (and not making fun of my quirks).

I’m sorry, Mom.  This may be my biggest sorry yet.  I’m sooooo sorry for every time I came in when you were showering, taking a bath, or going to the bathroom.  Why do kids do this??? I know now that was your few minutes of private, quiet time behind a shut door. Well, it was supposed to be.  To this day, you still just call us in if we need you. To be honest, I don’t know what to thank you for here. I’m just so sorry. “Can I just use the bathroom in peace?!” is now part of my regular conversation.

I’m sorry, Mom for not eating what you made for dinner.  Dinner is the worst. It is impossible to make everyone happy, keep it nutritious, and get through a half-hour without a power struggle over bites of vegetables.  Thank you for teaching me routine, and not giving up. Because of you, I know how important it is to eat family dinners together. And-I still eat the stalks of broccoli, even if you aren’t there to watch me!

I’m sorry, Mom for that one time I called you a “b—-.”  Yeah, you immediately slapped me and sent me to my room. But, after we both calmed down, you knew that was so out of character for me.  Thank you for then knowing me and coming to love me and understand me in my time of hormonal craziness.

I’m sorry, Mom for being the worst shopping partner ever.  You and I have always had different tastes and I know that having patience with me so I could find the right outfits, for the money you budgeted, often left you questioning why you went shopping with me.  Thank you for spending the time. Those two trips a year we would go just the two of us were ones I looked forward to for months. Because of your patience, and letting me go back and forth from store to store to try stuff on and compare prices, I appreciate a good deal and budget.

I’m sorry, Mom for calling you in the middle of the night, almost every night, of my freshman year of college.  I had the worst roommates that didn’t care that I had 8 am classes and field hockey practice. For the first time in my life, I was feeling the sleep deprivation.  Thank you for answering every.single.call. At a time when you could finally have uninterrupted sleep, you listened, told me to relax and got me through that first year from afar.

I’m sorry, Mom for not answering the phone when you called at 3 am wondering why I wasn’t home one night.  Worried I was on the side of the road somewhere. I was 20 and home on break from college. I told you where I was and I argued I was an adult.  Now I know how worried you were and that I was still your baby. Thank you for worrying about me and my safety. I mean really, what good could have been happening at 3 am? (And you were right-I was up to no good).

Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t realize all of the sacrifices you made at the time.  But now, as a mom, I see every single one of them. Thank you for being such a great mom.  Thank you for teaching me how to be a mom and that the memories are sometimes in the mundane and crazy.  Sometimes the memories are in the sleep-deprived nights, the frustrating shopping trips, or power struggles.  Today, as I’m on my 50th attitude “tug of war” with one of the boys, I’ll remember that they will remember the hugs I gave them after their time out or the special eggs I made for breakfast.  Hopefully, one day they will thank me, too. It will be then I tell them I learned it all from you.

Mommy, I love you.

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